Entering the Comfort Room
The Lord reminded me of the dream that helped me enter into the Comfort Room.
I was reticent to go into the Room and I hid a few times. I was naked and hiding behind a rock. I finally came out from behind the rock and Jesus reminded me of the times when I was younger, even as young as 6 years old, and I would see the rock where Jesus knelt down and sweat blood because of His grief and pain. Jesus had died for the sake of all mankind, and I thought over and over again how I never wanted to go there… I never wanted to go into that place of grief.
Also I had had my first holy communion when I was 12 years old. It was a big big deal in the church. It took place at midnight and they had lit about 1000 candles and a bunch of us boys were up in the front. I had a vision of all the lights becoming one light and it lit up where He was kneeling by the rock again, sweating blood and grieving. Suddenly I went into that picture, and I did NOT want to go into that picture.
Then Jesus showed me the grief that I was experiencing in my own life because my family had fallen apart, my mother was bedridden, and I was grieving over my pains. Some of the pains were general, like bad things in my neighborhood, but the point was that I was carrying things that were beginning to change me. I thought that Jesus was calling me to carry these griefs, but Jesus called me to Him and said: “I am so so sorry”. He had a deep desire to draw me near to him and hold me and comfort me.
Then the scene changed to Psalm 131 and I was a baby putting my head on His Chest and crying a lot.
Then the scene changed and He was the God of the 5th scene--which I have explained elsewhere but essentially it was a vision where Jesus was high in the sky laughing, and all the evil in the world was compressed into just a little dot in His hand. Then all the darkness imploded and He was celebrating and laughing. That is when I realized that we have to sorrow with Hope because God is so much greater. (2 Corinthians 7)
I ran home from that Catholic Church like my feet never hit the ground. I really believe I was so lifted in the spirit that I never hit the ground. Then later that night my neighbor extended such comfort to me in my grief and it deepened the earlier experience. The Lord showed me this beautiful experience of Him carrying my grief and He asked me why I didn’t think this would be even better this time around. It was because I was afraid that I would become stuck in my grief and sorrow.
Jesus kept saying “Aren’t I the Better than God? Don’t I help you sorrow with Hope?” and He kept reminding me of times where He had comforted me in my grief and given me hope. I had felt so much shame and pain and felt like what I was experiencing was a whole other level of grief, and I didn’t feel that He or I were able to handle it.
This went on for about 3 weeks and there was a point where I surrendered and the Lord gave me a dream where He told me that I had to deal with my grief for the sake of my children because if I didn’t get free from grief, they would never be free from grief. I could not move into Hope and be a Reformer if I did not deal with my grief. I needed to deal with grief in a healthy way. He told me, "This is not an option, grief must be dealt with.”